The Life Bubble

The Life Bubble!

Don’t let it burst too soon…

As sad as it is, this week started with bad news for me. Someone I worked with, intelligent, hardworking, kind, funny and full of life soul, has passed away. Mark was one of these people, who made you feel valuable, he was fantastic manager and deeply cared for business and others. Question - has he cared well enough for himself?

An announcement was made by my old employer and the news reached me almost immediately, since most people knew I worked with him and we stayed close. What I know? He fell ill and collapsed on Thursday, he has not recovered, been in critical condition and passed away on Sunday. 4 days. That’s all it took, for the great man – and for his life bubble to burst. It comes as great shock to us, whenever someone dies, more so, when they are young. Mark was in his mid-forties, that is nothing, not the age to think of death, right? He had at least another that to live. What else could I do other than pay my respects? Maybe, realise that what I am doing now, after all makes sense. That the decision to change my lifestyle, follow my dreams, book one-way ticket to travel the world and finally put myself and my needs forward, rather than continuously be the last in the queue to happiness.

While scrolling though my old Instagram posts last night (you should do it from time to time, be it Instagram, Facebook or ordinary photo album – it will put a smile on your face, as reminder on how much good does happen in your life), I came across a post. A message I wrote on last New Year’s Day, that I directed it at myself more than anyone else, and it read like this:

“Ahh what a year it was 2018 – a lot of sad moments, tough moments, negativity, breakdowns but also how much fun, beautiful places, amazing people, new friendships, discovering who I am and makes me fulfilled. No time to live in the past but taking best lessons from the experiences! No resolutions for 2019 other than carry on being myself and keeping smile on my face! This is what I wish to myself and to you…”

During that time, I finally started to reach deeper into myself. It was the time, where I learned to name few more feelings and emotions. I started to voice my deeper thoughts, emotions, be more aware and accepting of my own person.  The negativity I described, that would normally follow me like a bad smell, disappeared. I dropped it, I now let go of things a lot easier. That message was to remind me of that and that it’s ok to go through ups and downs. I am ecstatic, that 9 months since that message was written, it is materialising. I took the lesson from the experiences; I met even more amazing people and I keep discovering/understanding myself. I am slowly drawing a map of me – internal guide. What makes me tick, what takes me over the edge. That it’s ok to have a bad day from time to time, to get angry or emotional, as long as I don’t “choose” to stay there for too long.

 A while ago my life bubble was getting full, stretched and ready to burst. It could have gone terribly wrong. But some internal voice has finally led me to make right decisions and find the way, find the path, look for answers. The people who are close to me and know me well, know what I mean by that. Yet there is still a lot of stigma about the deeper side to human nature, our souls, mental health and those who openly would like to change it.

There is still time to take our life and destiny into our own hands. No matter the age, no matter your status. I don’t mean you all need to quit work, pack your bags and go travelling like me. That is just what I want to do now. Maybe my next step after that will be to learn new language or start a family or get back into the career chain. I don’t know and I am not too concerned about this now. I am going to focus on the Asia adventure first.

Whatever the circumstances you’re in – whether you have family or not, you live a solo life or in the partnership, you need to start voicing your inner needs. That life bubble clearly has a life span. Do you really want it to end while you miserable, or would it be worthwhile to make peace with yourself and others? Start being honest with yourself. Take small steps. Examples? Well I enjoy reading, even if its 10 pages each evening, so I have joined local library, I have been to few of the local events during the Book Festival, during which I met new and interesting people. We haven’t exchanged numbers, we haven’t become friends for life – but they added into my bucket of positive experiences, in that day, in that moment. I also took up yoga few years back. Originally idea was to get my back stronger, but I also discovered how my mind “wanders”. Whenever I had a stressful day, I found it difficult to calm down and clear my mind. Yoga and small amounts of meditation have helped me, to index those thoughts, put them on the shelve they belong to.

That is just another form of inner awareness. We hear and read a lot about emotional intelligence, but most of the time it is raised in the context of understanding others, being aware or controlling emotions while handling relationships with others. So why don’t we promote more of the above, while considering relationship with ourselves?

I’m still a great believer in “what will be, will be” or that “things happen for a reason” – the difference is, that now, I can choose what I want to do with those things and those reasons more consciously. And certainly, I am not living isolated from reality any longer. Making sure my life bubble doesn’t burst too soon…but if it does, I will know I led a happy life!

 

 

bubble

/ˈbʌb(ə)l/

noun

1. a thin sphere of liquid enclosing air or another gas.

2. used to refer to a good or fortunate situation that is isolated from reality or unlikely to last.

Malwina BartosiakComment