What Sucks in Being Single.
What sucks in being single…
…or why it could be better in a duet.
I wrote already, about why it is so great being single 😉. I feel, like I maybe did a small injustice to those in happy relationships. I am a master of dating. Lost count after last 10 years. Although, since I am no specialist in holding onto relationships, I thought it might be better, to write about what I think I would like it to be, or how I imagine it is to be in a committed, monogamist relation. And why it might be as good as being single, if not better.
I am going to start, with some maybe slightly controversial, list of benefits of living it as a couple vs solo adventure (as seen by me):
1. Finances – oh my god, I can’t get enough of this topic. Everything in life is costing me twice as much. My mortgage, utilities, internet bill, cable etc. City council is so generous though, I receive a 25% discount for the council tax as a single person. Wow! What am I going to do with that £25 saved every month? So yes, ladies and gents, if you want to save 50% of your income – find yourself a partner. It is lifelong investment haha.
2. Cleaning, washing, scrubbing toilets, hoovering, dusting, brushing, cooking, ironing…the list goes on. I do it all myself. My weekends consist of living my life like the 60’s housewife, yet I don’t have a husband. How unfair. Well, maybe if I had that 50% saved income from point 1, I could even consider a cleaner.
3. I think cooking from point 2, deserves a paragraph of its own. Did I mention I hate cooking? I am a decent cook, but I really don’t like doing it. And even more, I dislike cleaning afterwards. Supposedly men are best chefs in the world. I could do with one of my own, so that warm, home cooked dinner waited for me every day, upon return from the office. Sounds like a dream. Or like living at my grandmothers!
4. Hotels, motels, guest houses – they cost a fortune. I rarely book hotels nowadays. Mainly utilising options through Airbnb, nevertheless I always end up paying double, just because I chose the single life. As much as I love travelling solo, and I keep talking about benefits of this type of travel, accommodation is one of the costs, that is always eating up my budget wherever I go!
5. Weddings, funerals, birthday parties – rocking it solo is not always easy. Most of my family and friends come as couples, so I usually have to beg someone to share their husband with me, to either dance with me, use their shoulder to cry on or grab me a drink from the bar. How useful would it be, to have my own, strong, gentleman to carry my handbag, look after me, drive me home after heavy session?
6. Having children – tricky right? I am not saying it is impossible to have them on your own nowadays. I personally even thought of plan B for a while, for when I hit certain age bracket, to either pay thousands and find a perfect genetic match, or just pick a best looking one in a bar (wink, wink). After further consideration, I decided against both of those scenarios. After all, we are not all meant to be parents. I am busy enough auntie, with a lot of babies to spoil around me.
7. Next of kin – every bloody time this question pops up on a form at the hospital, sporting activity or now even when applying for a new bank account (?? Why??) I get stuck! Which friend shall I put on this time? Maybe my boss? Maybe my next-door neighbour. Why oh why, can’t I just rely on myself, when opening a bank account?
8. Watching TV – so many times I have seen something so funny, or so stupid, or so interesting on the telly, but there is no one in the house to share it with. My cat, most of the time, does not appreciate drama from the newest season of the Keeping up with the Kardashians. He does though, enjoys an occasional, spontaneous dance round the living room. Or shall I say, he does not really have a choice. His top choice would be Lady Gaga, so he says.
9. Ok ok, I am getting to the important point. Sex. Very significant part of our lives. Not so easy, when it’s just yourself. I am a modern woman, I know my needs, so fair enough there are ways around this too. BUT it will never replace the real deal. The two people, who fancy each other, love each other, want each other. I am not referring to one-night stands or casual encounters. These are no good for a woman. My true pleasure comes from the emotional attachment as much as attractiveness. Physical pleasure follows from the connection.
10. LOVE – this took me to my final point. I think, what I envy the most from those in happy relationships, is love. The closeness. Having a soulmate. Someone who understands my feelings, my emotions, my sense of humour, who can read my moods, who accepts me with my imperfections and supports me no matter what. I did go through moments in life, when I really needed it.
There is certainly more to be said, about the benefits of being in a loving relationship. Those are my top 10. Some maybe more important than others, but they all form a link. It is fun, to be able to live your life, the way you want. It is easier not to have to explain yourself. Not to argue or worry for one another. But I am sure, the good and positive aspects of relationships, could easily overtake those of living solo.
I am glad I got to live my life, the way I did so far. I think meeting all the people on my life journey so far, people of the opposite sex, allowed me to understand better what it is, that’s important. What used to push them away, or what made me cringe at times. Most of the times, it used to come down to freedom. Somehow, getting into the relationships, feels to many, like losing their independence. It will only be matter of time before SHE chains me to the radiator in the bedroom. And if only that was for the sexual favours! I yet again might be making an unfair judgement here, but it appears to be, that men are usually scared of women, who want the serious relationship. Hence the capital S-H-E. and I will explain myself again. I don’t mean that all women going out on dates, straightway want to get into serious relationship. I feel like our kindness, our interest in another human being and caring nature, is used against us so many times. But it’s ok. It makes us stronger, whether we are male or female.
For when the time is right, we all find our own way. Be it carrying on the solo adventure and overpaying for the hotel rooms. Or finding the magical half, who might have been right next to us all this time, or maybe we meet them on the other side of the world. Love after all makes us do silly things. And for that, I would be prepared to risk and bet my life.
One day…maybe not yet…but yes, one day 😊